Night

I Just Don't Know

Just when the skys were clearing, an unforeseen overcast afternoon sets in. Two of my friends are going through relationship rough spots, and I am trying to help both of them and figure it out for myself. They are each asking good questions about what happened and I give them an answer, but they both know that I don't know any more then they do. I keep thinking that things will get better, that my heart will stop aching, but it hasn't. I thought the path would become clear, but no illumination has appeared. My heart aches, for what reason I don't even know but it knows something is wrong. I hope this time will pass, in fact I know it will, but I wish it would hurry up. There is no clear path forward. I aught to be happy, but I am not, not quite. I know I am loved, but I don't feel it. I want to find a partner and not be used. I want to cry, and scream, and laugh, and yell and jump and run away and fight. I want to know, but I know I never will.

I'll go to bed and think it over but I have a sickening feeling that this feeling will be here for a while.


K