Thursday, February 25, 2016
Night
I Just Don't Know
Just when the skys were clearing, an unforeseen overcast afternoon sets in. Two of my friends are going through relationship rough spots, and I am trying to help both of them and figure it out for myself. They are each asking good questions about what happened and I give them an answer, but they both know that I don't know any more then they do. I keep thinking that things will get better, that my heart will stop aching, but it hasn't. I thought the path would become clear, but no illumination has appeared. My heart aches, for what reason I don't even know but it knows something is wrong. I hope this time will pass, in fact I know it will, but I wish it would hurry up. There is no clear path forward. I aught to be happy, but I am not, not quite. I know I am loved, but I don't feel it. I want to find a partner and not be used. I want to cry, and scream, and laugh, and yell and jump and run away and fight. I want to know, but I know I never will.
I'll go to bed and think it over but I have a sickening feeling that this feeling will be here for a while.
K
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Dave Ramsey Said So
A Short Thought
Seeing a friend struggle with something, always boils my water. Sometimes they let me in, other times they keep it to themselves. If you find friends like that, hang onto them.
Watching classmates cut up their credit cards in my Financial Peace University class I smiled, knowing I'd never have to do that. I used to see money as a bad thing, but now it has become my greatest ally. After getting out of a long distance relationship, where the only thing that was wrong was the mileage. Dad had one of his teaching moments. Which always nerve racking, and this video started off no differently. I didn't give it much of a chance, but it boiled down to the question; 'is it wise?' and if its not, don't do it.
Such a simple question. I can't believe that I had never thought of that before. That is the definition of using common sense. If the answer is it's not wise, then you aren't invested in bettering yourself.
My introverted self needs social interaction, but it is not interested in large group gatherings. The question that begged to be asked is, do I want a girl friend. Yes, but being a senior means that there are only 3 more months before life takes are each person their own way. After today the other question that has to be asked is, is it wise. Unfortunately, the answer is not, or more accurately, not yet. The big thing that my finance class has taught me is that your income is your biggest ally, and debt is your biggest enemy. College is looming on the horizon and my goal is to pay it off before graduation day. Finishing high school is my first priority, and my full time job. Working as a host, is good, but it doesn't bring in enough money to save for college and lead the life style I want to lead. More money has to come in the door. Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else, that's how Mr. Ramsey might say it. Translation, work hard now so when college is over I walk with a diploma, and debt free.
There is work to be done.
It's going to be a sprint to the finish, but marathons were never my strong suit.
Life is looking up, and I'm excited and nervous but ready to set out on this journey.
K
Seeing a friend struggle with something, always boils my water. Sometimes they let me in, other times they keep it to themselves. If you find friends like that, hang onto them.
Watching classmates cut up their credit cards in my Financial Peace University class I smiled, knowing I'd never have to do that. I used to see money as a bad thing, but now it has become my greatest ally. After getting out of a long distance relationship, where the only thing that was wrong was the mileage. Dad had one of his teaching moments. Which always nerve racking, and this video started off no differently. I didn't give it much of a chance, but it boiled down to the question; 'is it wise?' and if its not, don't do it.
Such a simple question. I can't believe that I had never thought of that before. That is the definition of using common sense. If the answer is it's not wise, then you aren't invested in bettering yourself.
My introverted self needs social interaction, but it is not interested in large group gatherings. The question that begged to be asked is, do I want a girl friend. Yes, but being a senior means that there are only 3 more months before life takes are each person their own way. After today the other question that has to be asked is, is it wise. Unfortunately, the answer is not, or more accurately, not yet. The big thing that my finance class has taught me is that your income is your biggest ally, and debt is your biggest enemy. College is looming on the horizon and my goal is to pay it off before graduation day. Finishing high school is my first priority, and my full time job. Working as a host, is good, but it doesn't bring in enough money to save for college and lead the life style I want to lead. More money has to come in the door. Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else, that's how Mr. Ramsey might say it. Translation, work hard now so when college is over I walk with a diploma, and debt free.
There is work to be done.
It's going to be a sprint to the finish, but marathons were never my strong suit.
Life is looking up, and I'm excited and nervous but ready to set out on this journey.
K
Monday, February 1, 2016
NOLS Dispatch; Issue 2
End of an Era
In the quest for success, and ultimately, happiness, we often get run over and over run others. The greater the pursuit, the more likely that someone slighted us or was slighted by us. If time is just a measurement, how can it be good or bad? Can something be a 'good' time, or 'bad' time, is it just our reflection on our reaction that is remembered, or is there something more human about it. Nature putting our urges aside to help someone in need. This NOLS trip has been the finish line for the last four years, everything that has been done has been measured against its progress. Those who were allowed to stampede over me, and who were hurt by one of my actions all fall somewhere on that line. This chapter of my life will go out with a bang, and hopefully a summit or two while I am out of the country. We will see.
A New Day
It's exciting to be excited about going to college. The nerves are racked, and as much of the ground work has been laid as possible, and it feels like I am still missing something. After watching the new Kung Fu Panda, which focuses on inner peace, there were many connections that could be drawn from them, but the most applicable would be being self aware. This weekend my climbing mentor, his daughter, and I went to the outdoor climbing gym, North Table Mountain, outside of Golden, Colorado. We went out to just have fun and say we climbed in January. Out we went, and upon returning we tallied the routes we did, a 5.7. 5.8, and 5.9, not a bad day for just relaxing. It was just that, we went to just relax and have fun. Storing this valuable memory will remind me to keep my mind open for my NOLS trip and to simply enjoy the experience and being in the mountains.
Final Thoughts
Encouragement can come from many different places, a blog post among them. Carve out an extra 5 minutes to just sit and listen to the environment around you. Just breath and do something because you want to, not because you have to.
Happy pondering,
K
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